Is a parent required to pay child support for an estranged adult child?

Child support is often a contentious issue for families, especially when there is conflict between a child and a support payor parent.

In the aftermath of a family separation, a child may assign blame to one parent and resist spending time with them, but what happens if the situation persists, causing a permanent disruption to the parent-child relationship? Is a parent obligated to continue paying child support if their adult children refused contact with them?

Burden of proof

That was the question in a recent case involving an Ontario father who asked the court to terminate his child support obligations based on the fact that his 18-year-old daughter refused to see him or discuss her plans with him.

At the time of the proceeding, the daughter was finishing high school and making plans to attend university with the expectation that she would have her father’s financial support.

The father argued that his daughter’s actions put her “beyond parental control and outside the definition of a child of the marriage,” and that he should be relieved of his obligation to continue paying support.

But the judge did not agree. Under the Divorce Act, a “child of the marriage” is defined as one who is “the age of majority or over and under their charge but unable, by reason of illness, disability or other cause, to withdraw from their charge or to obtain the necessaries of life.”

Justice Martin James said the phrase “or other cause” is broadly defined and includes the continuation of the child’s education well into their 20s and that in most cases, disruptions in the parent-child relationship have complicated and multi-faceted causes.

“There is nothing in the Divorce Act or the cases decided pursuant to the Act that says a child must get along with a parent in order to be entitled to support except in extreme situations,” the judge wrote in his decision.

Child support obligations

When it comes to a parent’s obligation to support their children, the law is clear: Every parent has a legal duty to support their child — whether it’s a biological child or one for whom they stand in place of a parent — who is under the age of 18 or enrolled in a full-time course of education.

If they are over the age of 18, and working full-time, they may not need to be supported. However, if they are pursuing post-secondary education, there may still be an obligation to continue support, depending on the family’s financial circumstances. For example, if the child didn’t qualify for student loans and the parents have the ability, they may be required to contribute to educational expenses.

Throughout Canada, the amount of child support is determined by way of a standard guideline and is based on a parent’s gross annual income and the number of children. If there are extraordinary circumstances — special education, daycare, tutoring, extracurricular activities and so on — parents are to share the expenses in a percentage split based on gross annual incomes.

It should also be noted that in Ontario, we have a 40 per cent rule: If the non-residential parent spends more than 40 per cent of the time with the children, that parent may seek permission to pay an amount that is less than the guideline, depending on the circumstances.

Exceptions to the rule

Unfortunately, there are cases where an older child, of their own volition or through encouragement, becomes estranged from one parent. If the parent-child relationship has been fractured beyond repair and the support payor can prove they had no role in its demise, there may be grounds to argue for relief of support obligations.

The burden of proof required to establish that a child has unilaterally terminated their relationship with a parent for no good reason is high. These cases, often referred to as “parent as wallet” cases, turn on evidence.

Relieved of duty to pay child support

In 2017, a British Columbia court found that a daughter had effectively terminated her relationship with her mother and that the child’s “unilateral decision to completely exclude her mother from her life is not explained or justified.”

For years, the daughter refused all contact with her mother and gave no explanation for her antipathy and rejection of a relationship with her. In this case, the judge allowed the mother to terminate support for her daughter.

“I find that she is no longer a ‘child of the marriage,’ and that consequently, the respondent is no longer obliged to pay support or to contribute to s. 7 expenses,” the judge wrote in his decision.

In 2018, an Ontario court was also asked to determine whether a couple’s 25-year-old daughter should continue to be viewed as a child of the marriage, and as such, entitled to support.

In that case, the court highlighted that economic dependence is the essential feature of whether a child is under a parent’s charge. Pointing to the fact that the young woman had arranged for a loan to cover the cost of attending medical school in the Caribbean, the court found she had withdrawn from her parent’s charge and was no longer a child of the marriage.

Two years later, in 2020, the Supreme Court of British Columbia relieved a father of his obligation to continue paying child support for his two sons, aged 19 and 21, finding that both had chosen to terminate any relationship with their father despite ongoing efforts by him.

“While the evidence strongly supports a finding that the reason they did so was the respondent’s conduct in alienating them from their father, Nicolas and Mathew are now adults and their continuing unwillingness to have anything to do with the claimant or even engage in communication, using him simply as an “open wallet”, is a factor that cannot be ignored,” Justice Gordon C. Weatherill wrote in his decision.

If you would like legal advice on your options for varying a child support order, schedule a consultation with one of our experienced family law lawyers. We would be happy to help you.

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Parental alienation requires swift legal action

When a marriage ends, it’s not uncommon for one spouse to feel more anger over the disruption to the status quo and act out against the other partner, says Toronto family law lawyer Gary Gottlieb.

The retaliation frequently plays out in the form of a protracted divorce process, or if there are children, a bitter custody battle, he says.

Sometimes, one parent is so hostile that they persistently denigrate the other parent’s personality and parenting skills, convincing the child that they may be at risk with the other parent. This phenomenon is known as parental alienation, says Gottlieb, whose practice focuses on high-conflict family law and child protection matters.

“Parental alienation is a factor in about 15 per cent of my cases. It occurs when a child becomes estranged from one parent as the result of the psychological manipulation by the other,” he explains.

Alienators want to punish and get retribution for the breakup of the perfect cocoon they believed they were in, writes child psychiatrist Christine B.L. Adams.

“They are determined to have vengeance in the way that most upsets the other parent. They also want to ensure their children continue to deliver emotional care to them,” she says.

Mental health issues often at the root

In most cases, the alienator is the primary parent with sole or de facto custody of the children, Gottlieb explains.

“Often, the parent is suffering with some personality disorder, such as narcissistic personality disorder or generalized anxiety disorder,” he says. “Contrary to popular opinion, it occurs with both mothers and fathers.”

The negative behaviour patterns frequently begin even before the spouses separate, when the marriage is in the breakdown phase, Gottlieb adds.

“Months before the couple splits, the primary caregiver begins a campaign to alienate the other parent. They will become more possessive of the child and actively exclude the other parent. If the other parent tries to get involved in caregiving activities, the denigrating parent aims to convince the child s/he is useless,” he notes.

Often, the alienating parent convinces the children that the target parent doesn’t truly care about them or is only fighting for custody as a way to hurt the “real loving parent,” Gottlieb adds.

“The parent might say to the child, ‘your father is only trying to get custody so he won’t have to pay child support,’ or ‘your mother is only doing this to harass me; she doesn’t really love you,’” he says.

In extreme cases, Gottlieb says the parent will try to implant memories into the child as to how they were physically or sexually abused by the other parent, starting at an early age when the child has limited recollection.

Court focuses on best interests of the child

Parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a term coined by the late forensic psychiatrist Richard Gardner in 1985 to describe a phenomenon he witnessed where children were being turned against one parent, usually as the result of a divorce or acrimonious custody battle.

Gardner described PAS as a “disorder that arises primarily in the context of child custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child’s campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It is caused by a combination of a programming (brainwashing) parent’s indoctrinations and the child’s own contributions to the vilification of the targeted parent.”

Gottlieb says the concept of parental alienation has evolved over the years. Today, the courts will often only make a determination that a child has been alienated when they see cogent evidence of drastic severing of all ties between parent and child.

“For example, the courts have found it difficult to conclude that a child has been alienated when he or she still wants a relationship with the other parent,” he says.

In a 2019 case, the court ordered a custody switch of the children ­­–– from a mother to the father, who originally only had access to his two daughters –– after concluding the mother had “embarked upon a course of conduct since the birth of the children, and especially since separation, to attempt to eliminate the applicant from his own children’s lives.

“I accept the evidence of the clinician from the Office of the Children’s Lawyer that the respondent has intentionally attempted to alienate the children from the applicant’s life,” the judge wrote in his decision.

Gottlieb points out that the courts view access arrangements through the lens of the child’s bests interests. In cases where the child is reluctant to spend time with the target parent, the courts will often mandate reunification counselling, he adds.

“Sometimes, as alienation is deemed to be a child protection concern as ‘emotional harm,’ a child may be removed from the alienator’s care, placed into the care of the Children’s Aid Society or other kin home, while he or she undergoes reunification therapy. Isolation from the perpetrator can be a drastic but effective solution,” Gottlieb notes.

Signs of parental alienation

In the more than 33 years Gottlieb has been practising, he has observed some telltale signs to indicate parental alienation may be present:

• Setting the other parent up for failure. “When the children are going to the access parent for an overnight visit, the alienating parent often won’t send a change of clothes for them. S/he will ensure the children aren’t bathed. That puts stress on the access parent to jump through hoops to ensure the children are comfortable. It further adds to the discomfort of the children, which they connect to the access visit,” he says.

• Invoking the help of third parties. “Frequently, alienators will convince their community that the access parent is deficient. When the child experiences that everyone around them has a negative view of their parent, they come to believe it must be true. Public shaming through social media is also common,” Gottlieb says.

• Sabotaging extracurricular activities. “Alienating parents don’t take their children to the piano lesson or the baseball game on time. Sometimes they invent excuses to not take the child to activities and blame it on the other parent, saying, ‘Your father didn’t pay for it’ or ‘your mother didn’t get you the right equipment.’”

Legal remedies

It’s critical to act quickly if you and your child are experiencing parental alienation, Gottlieb says.

“Time is of the essence. The alienated parent should take immediate steps to get an access order enforced by the court,” he says. “The longer she or he waits, the more alienated the child becomes and the less open the child will be to having a positive relationship with the target parent.”

From a legal standpoint, third-party evidence is very important.

“The access parent can take steps to become more involved, for example, with the child’s teachers, by participating in parent council, taking the child to medical and dental appointments — to demonstrate they are a positive role model,” Gottlieb says.

“Offering counselling at the outset in writing — is critical, as well. Third-party evidence and evidence of a willingness to work with the child and the alienating parent (which is often resisted or sabotaged) lends credibility to the alienation argument and bolsters the targeted parent as an appropriate caregiver. Courts must have this evidence if you plan to succeed.”

Photo Credit: via Dr.Laura.com